Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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