Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
