I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
