Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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