well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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