my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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