eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
