Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
