At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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