he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
