i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
