brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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