Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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