well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
