Whoa Z and x make the same sound
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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