I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
