im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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