Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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