Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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