Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
