I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
