that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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