Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
zippers are such a cool invention
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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