Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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