I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
