cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
