dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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