the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
