You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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