Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
