i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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