OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
