I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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