My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ketchup is God's man juice
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
