The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize