They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
