i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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