Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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