I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
