and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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