I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
