I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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