i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
