you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
