I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
