I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
