I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
