yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
