I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize