Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
