i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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