Having a random hookup so left but love u
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
