How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
