Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
