Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
