I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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