you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he fucked my hip out of place.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
