It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Terrible idea I love it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
