I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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