fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You made out with two different species that night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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