random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
