i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
