Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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