She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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