Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
