no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
