i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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