Where are you?
In a non slutty way
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
