Please, let me fuck your mom
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
