i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
