I need to stop coming to work sober
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize