I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
