he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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