So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
