I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
